A canvas is never blank, being, being made and meaningful being meaningless.

So I am back with my final blog of 2017, you know guys know the drill! Make a cuppa and pull up a chair and prepare yourself for bad spelling and even worse grammar!!

So hopefully this blog won’t be to boring.. I have written it after thinking about what I have experienced over the last 12 months, you see this last year really has been an eye opener in so many ways. I have learnt so much about people, myself and so much more…….. So here goes.. Hope you are all ready for a long read!

I would say I have a reputation for very quickly working horses (and peoples) characters out, this isn’t a ego boost for me. It’s a fact, I really don’t have many strengths or talents but I am confident that I am, to put it crudely – very good at quickily accessing whether horses need a pat or a slap. Of course there is more to it than that, some horses need a slap then a pat. Some need to be bullied the entire time and some need a friend who is on their side even when they are acting or behaving like a idiot. I believe a lot of my skill to judge horses so quickly comes from the fact I have had such a varied career with horses. In my early 20’s in the space of less than 6 months I had shown section B’s in mountain and moorland worker classes, ridden under rules over hurdles and ridden round my first CCI3* and managed to win in one way or another in all 3!! That type of experience is invaluable, more recently a lot of my experience has come from my job breaking in yearlings over the winter. I am in my forth winter there and what continues to surprise me is just what personalitys they have. At the yard we get a fantastic mixture of sales, semi wild and feral yearlings. Most but not all, have never been rollared etc before. And what always stands out for me is that here we have this supposedly ‘blank canvas’ infront of us to train and mould – but you know what, they never are. They are never totally blank, simply because they are a living, breathing being that has an opinion. It never fails to amaze me that we can have this little wild, scared, untouched, hairy yearling that just wants to do their best to try and not be scared, to try and trust you and do the right thing. Then you’ll get a beautifully polished, well handled sales yearling that has a bad attitude and doesn’t want a bar of it.

What experience has taught me is not to take things that another living breathing being does to heart, even if they are being pig headed, difficult, won’t listen, unkind, ungenuine or mean. I just take a breath, keep doing my best by them and I always remember that it’s not personal, because they are what they are. Simple. If I really can’t get though to them I move on, it’s not admitting defeat. It’s actually admitting my time is precious and why should I waste it trying to prove a point?

This brings me on to being and being made…

So this year I did something very out of character, I dated men! 3 in total.. I would like to add not all at the same time!! All of them nice enough guys, nothing much came of it. I am basically a happier person single, but the experience opened my eyes to just how may people allow themselves to ‘be made’ instead of just ‘being’.. I have been a single pringle for so long now that I am so used to being happy or sad just because that’s how I make myself feel. So I was shocked how much dating opened my eyes to how many people allow people (not always partners, sometimes friends) ¬†that made them feel a certain way to stay in their life. Now I’m not saying that it’s bad to allow someone in your life that makes you happy, of course it isn’t… But there is a small but significant difference between makes and being made, same with makes or being made sad. Make sure you know the difference. It may seem a small difference but it you experience it you’ll know the difference is there.

The last couple of weeks I’ve had a massive wobble about my life, all triggered by someone asking if I was happy with my meaningless life.. I promise this person was not having a dig at me! They just asked if I really didn’t mind being on my own, if I really didn’t want children and did I not mind not having a career as such… I have actually worried and over thought about it quite a bit the last couple of weeks, I mean am I really happy? Is this my lot? Then I was in the pub a couple of weeks ago and got chatting to two older gentlemen. They were both semi – retired from their very high flying, high earning jobs in the city, I found them so interesting and they in turn found what I did for a living really interesting. I mentioned my worries about being in my mid 30’s and seemingly having nothing to show for all my hard work. One of the older guys asked me what was meaningful to me, what did I really care about – I replied with – my family, having my freedom and having my horses. And there it was…. He smiled and said, meaningful is meaningless if it isn’t meaningful to you.

Some people might have replied to his question with the answer – money, big house, good career, nice car etc… But I didn’t, everything that is meaningful to me I currently have in my life. I may be leading a meaningless life to my friend but then again I might think there meaningful is meaningless. Who are we to judge or why should we worry what others think about out life’s? After all, someone’s meaningless ¬†could well be your meaningful.

Happy Christmas and have a fantastic new year guys, stay safe…. Just remember…

2018 is yours to do as you wish with, time is precious so don’t take it personally, only worry about what is painted on your own canvas, just being isn’t a bad thing and meaningless is all about what is meaningful to you.

Over and out..

Lots of love. Xx