So I’m back… This blog reaches you a bit sooner than I had anticipated, but lots of stuff has been happening so I was inspired to put finger tips to touch screen!! So pull up a chair guys, this one is a long but meaningful one….
My blogs are always written about experiences, but never just one.. They are always written about a combination of experiences that mean I feel I am able to form an opinion, because that’s how I work. I never form or voice my opinions about a person or subject without being well informed. And being well informed means seeing it from every side, then hopefully my opinion is balanced and I won’t make an arse of myself when voicing it. Because let’s face it, there is nothing worse than shouting your mouth off only to look a fool because you don’t have your ducks in a row..
I have had a few odd experiences recently with people and their behaviour – but I have never openly voiced an opinion because they or that situation is something I don’t care about….. Because that’s how I work, if I care about someone or a situation I will call it out for what I believe it is and call the person out for what I believe they are. I will own my opinions or if someone/something really mattered I’d do it FACE TO FACE. But if I do neither, odds are I don’t care for you, your opinions or about the situation. Simple as that. Please note this, not everything written by everyone is aimed at you…….
This brings me on to the fact I have found myself in an interesting place recently – an unhappy place.
It’s odd, because I’ve been unhappy for probably like 3/4 months and I’d honestly struggle to tell you why! I think part of it is because I feel like I haven’t been riding that well, I’ve actually really struggled with my shoulder injury and I’ve lost a really good friend this spring for no reason..
But I haven’t felt at any point like I’ve needed to shout about it because these are all my own issues, that only I can sort, also I am very happy being unhappy – because this feeling is my own doing. No one else is making me feel this way and sometimes you just have to work it out by yourself, god knows I’m a talker!! But these feelings are for me to sort and for me to sort alone….
When I left for Ballindenisk last week I was a little apprehensive of how I was going to feel. Was I going to be jealous of all the people with strings of horses, was I going to feel envious of all the amazing riders riding better than me or all the riders being happier than me…………… Basically was this trip going to make me feel even more lost…
But you know what, it really opened my eyes.
It really opened my eyes to the fact that’s it’s ok to not be the best rider, as long as you don’t pretend to be. It’s ok to not be the happiest person there, as long as you don’t pretend to be. And it’s ok to not be over the moon with the fact things aren’t going to plan, as long as you don’t pretend they are. Because when you start pretending things are better, shiner and more amazing than they clearly are you then have to justify to the world when a blind man can see they aren’t.
I justify myself to no one, ever. And you know why….. Because I don’t make myself out to be anything I’m not. If I’m not happy I don’t pretend I am – because I don’t need to. If I ride badly I don’t pretend I didn’t – because I don’t need to. If things don’t go to plan, I don’t pretend they did – because I don’t need to.
Because it is ok to not be happy, to not be the best or that things aren’t going totally to plan. Sometimes it’s no one else’s fault but your own. So how’s about we own are own failings and mistakes? How’s about we see that not being the happiest, the best or the most successful isn’t the end of the world and who cares if you aren’t? As long as you are happy not being happier, better or successful then don’t justify to others… Just justify to yourself, then if you wish to try to be happier, improve or be more successful, do – but only if you want. Not to prove something to others, especially others that actually don’t care.
Because to be frank what I’ve learnt this last week is that those that shout the loudest are doing so because they want the people to hear that aren’t listening.
Care enough about yourself to not care about the things you shouldn’t care about, not everything is about you and that’s not a bad thing. Because when you make everything about you, you have to take the criticism along with the praise and to do that you have to have true backbone and grit………..
How much class you show when things get tough say more about you than how high that pedestal you built for yourself does.
I’m off to work damn hard over the winter to improve what I need to improve on to be happier, better and more successful next season. But that’s for me, not for anyone else…
Say classy guys, until next time – over and out…..