Confidence.

So..  I’m back, again!!! This blog is very personal so I hope you enjoy it..

I was sitting at home a few weeks ago thinking about confidence and what it really means to me…….. My thoughts inspired me to write them in to a blog so here are my musings, get a cup of tea, enjoy and I hope they don’t bore you lot to much!!!

If I was to ask you to pick 3 things that you need to get on in life what would they be?   You’ll probably answer with at least one if not more of the below.

1) money 2) luck 3) talent

I can see the logic in that, I mean without money and luck you probably aren’t going to get far, same without talent.. If you aren’t good at anything you probably won’t achieve much, right?

Wrong.

I truly believe the greatest asset you can possess in life is confidence, no amount of money, talent or luck is going to help you if you can’t square your shoulders off, look someone in the eye and truly believe you deserve the high flying job, to be with that hot guy or to be competing on the amazing horse at that high level. I know so many people with all of ‘the 3 chosen things’ you probably think you need to get on in life and it just doesn’t happen for them, mainly because a large amount of them doubts themselves. I also know an equally large amount of people that charm their way in to lots of amazing opportunities, their confidence takes them places money, luck and talent can’t take you alone. However… Confidence rarely comes souly from within and confidence comes in 3 different flavours..

1) Genuine confidence 2) Fake confidence 3) Confidence from others

Neither is wrong but be very aware of what confidence flavour you are and adapt accordingly… I, for instance believe I have genuine confidence, of course I have wobbles but for the majority I’m very happy to stand on my own two feet. I know when I’ve done wrong and often seek advice from my friend Si but basically I am very happy with my flaws and not over thinking but still correcting my mistakes. In my humble opinion people with fake confidence tend to talk themselves up and others down. No matter how badly they have done they will make sure they find someone who has done worse! People who get confidence from others are (again in my experience) much more the norm and do the opposite as the people with fake confidence, they talk themselves and their achievements down and talk others up. Whichever flavour confidence you are make sure you have the correct people around you, if you get confidence from others make sure your circle see the good in the bad you do, not the bad in the good.

This will no doubt surprise people but most of my confidence has come from being around my dog Com’on… Bemused? Read on and I’ll explain!

When I was having a really tough time 5 years ago the one person who never left my side was Com’on, I really believe she knew I needed a mate to just be there. Not to tell me it was going to be ok and get other it. I needed to be sad and to be allowed to pity myself but not feel lonely and Com’on was the person who allowed that to happen. As I started to get back to myself and go out and about I was (and still am) taken aback at just how much confidence she has. We can be in a strange pub in the middle of no where with people she’s never ever met before yet she will walk in, work and own the room and everyone in it. She will get people to scratch her belly, feed her then simply move on when she’s done. On the VERY rare occasion she mets someone who doesn’t instantly fall at her feet she looks at them like they are weird and immediately moves on without a seconds backward glance or thought..

I remember once watching her almost in awe as she worked a room at a clients house, she was having a marvellous time getting just as she wanted from the people she met.. All the time I was thinking, why can’t I be more like Com’on?

Then it hit me – I can… Only I can stop myself from being like Com’on… The only ability I have that Com’on doesn’t (apart from the fact she’s super cute and I’m not) is I have the ability to over think..

Com’on doesn’t have the ability to over think so she only tolerates people that serve her well or that make her happy.. She never thinks why are they treating me badly or allows the fact they are to eat away at her. She only allows people in her life that treat her well and like a queen. If someone treats her badly, she has enough confidence gained from all the people that treat her well to simple turn her back on them and go back to someone who will treat her like the queen her quite confidence tells her she is.

My advice to people would to be more like Com’on when it comes to people and horses, if a horse isn’t looking to see the good in the bad you do and be on your side you have to take a long hard look at the partnership.

From watching Com’on I’ve decided life is all about confidence, enjoying the situation you are in and knowing your worth..

Remember – life is to short to not enjoy yourself, to not work the room or to not turn your back on those that don’t see the good in the bad you do.

So go square your shoulders off, look that someone in the eye and go get yourself the high flying job, that hot guy or get out competing the amazing horse at that high level.

Because you know what, you deserve it.

Over and out.

P and Com’on

Xx

Advertisements

Counting to 28, and morals maketh the friendship.

So I am back….. You all know the deal.. Get a cuppa, pull up a chair and prepare your good selfs for my ramblings…. One thing I promise you all this time is –  this blog (hopefully) won’t bore you!!!

This blog has actually sat in my draft box for around 3 weeks, I wasn’t sure if I dare publish it, I have been going back over and over it the last couple of weeks and I’ve finally decided that not publishing the original draft would be wrong. I pride myself in being straight down the line and why shouldn’t I publish it because it might upset a few people’s feelings who have shown very little consideration for others feelings??

So……

Very recently I have been reminded of how much I’ve grown up in the last few years, this is without a doubt because I have moved back to be close by my parents. The move was fuelled because of my parents planning struggles but I wasn’t at home long when I realised just how happy and settled they made me. Not only because I have everything I could ever want (my own living space and yard) but also because my parents go out of their way to look after me. Dad will always feed and check my horses if I’m away working or teaching and mum does my cooking, cleaning and washing….. But me being happy and settled here is mainly due to something else my parents have – their morals. You see my family are unbelievably peaceful, anyone that knows me will tell you that I have a sharp mind, even quicker mouth and whilst it takes a lot to make me lose my temper when I do – hell have no fury like me when my buttons are pushed. Something else I also admire greatly about my family is the way they conduct themselves – as I said, you’d struggle to find kinder more peaceful people but boy oh boy do they stand their ground. My family would never ever bitch or gossip about anyone, unless they were prepared to knock on their door and say it to their face. Same as if someone is saying mean things about them – it that situation they would go immediately and directly straight to the person and have it out. Face to face. Once sorted it would be forgotten about and everyone would move on. Also they are beyond loyal to friends. Without a doubt I get my loyalty to my friends from my family, anyone picks on or is mean to my friends or people I like and I’m savage.

Im sure everyone is aware of my heritage (traditional Romany Gypsy) and whilst I’m not saying it’s right, I still actually really admire that if a man has been speaking out of turn about another man, his wife or family – they would have a fair fist fight, shake hands at the end and that’s it done.  No bitching, gossiping or telling tales. I promise you my family’s way of living when it comes to this type of thing makes for a much happier, stress free way of living. Very few people gossip or are mean about others because gossiping is very rarely worth getting a punch on the nose for!!!!

My parents gentle souls have chilled me out no end in the last few years and last summer when I had someone being the usual ‘keyboard’ warrior on social media and saying very harsh and untrue things about me; lots of my friends couldn’t believe it when I did nothing and didn’t react at all. This is the reason I didn’t – because that persons opinion genuinely didn’t bother me and they weren’t worth my time of driving to their house and saying my peace to them in person so I wasn’t about to lower myself to their standards of posting stuff on social media for a loads of people to read, that frankly didn’t care anyway.

In situations were I feel myself wanting to react in away I might regret later (that quick mind and sharp mouth sometimes still get the better of me) I count to 28…… If it’s something silly I count to 28 seconds, something of some meaning, I leave it 28mins and something that really matters I leave it 28days..

I promise you that you will rarely regret not reacting in the heat of the moment, frankly most people are not worth reacting in the heat of the moment.

People act to get a reaction….. Think carefully about your reaction… You do not have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm..

And this is why when I found out recently that someone I classed as a good friend had been messaging the said above ‘keyboard’ warrior not only being mean about me, mocking me and my blogs but also happily spreading the ‘keyboard’ warriors gossip I didn’t react… I won’t lie, my blood was on fire – how could they stand in front of my face being nicer than nice then turn around and be messaging someone pulling me apart..

But you know what I did….. I counted to 28… minutes… And the fact was this, when I’d calmed down that person wasn’t worth the time or effort it would take to have it out with them, because frankly their morals aren’t like mine. I would die for my friends and certainly would never say anything behind their backs that I wouldn’t say to their face. I still see them and they are still nice as pie to my face (I could show them the screen shots and messages that prove keyboard warrior is nuts) but you know what, they don’t deserve it.. I shall let them continue to let make themselves look a idiot.

Sometimes I think their behaviour is because they are sad, lonely or both..

But then I remember that just as I won’t set myself on fire to keep people warm nor would I expect people to set themselves on fire to keep me warm.

Never lower yourself to other people’s standards, if people don’t have the same high morals as you…. Do as Elsa would – let it go…

Because morals maketh everything…………..

 

Until next time.

Xx

p.s .. Be warned, if you gossip to the gossiper they will more than likely gossip about you and what you gossiped maybe even the person you gossiped about.

The end is never the end and that’s the point…. Being a troll and mind.

Hey guys, so I’m back…. You know the drill…

Time to go make a cup of tea and get comfy, this blog is a long one!!! Also might be worth putting a seat belt on, as this could well be an explosive and uncomfortable read… For some..

So, as you all know my blogs are written (usually badly) about things I experience, that I think you lot can relate to, the one thing that has changed the most in my life in recent years is the amount of horses I ride and compete. Not so long ago I would of come under the ‘professional rider banner’ not anyone. Now I ride and compete just one horse, do I mind? Not one bit.. But it is a new experience that I’m just getting used to- if I cock up I don’t get another go at getting it right. Last week I went SJ’ing and to be brutally honest I rode badly… Nothing went right and I drove back to the yard feeling very deflated, I really wasn’t sure if I could be a ‘one horse rider’ .. That evening I went to the pub with a couple of friends and had a brilliant night and you know what? My mood lifted, because nothing last forever.. I left the pub feeling like a idiot for being so hard on myself, I’m human… I get to mess up now and again but there is always another day because nothing, good or bad last forever.

The next day I heard the dreadful news that a young trainer had taken his life, it made my ‘wallowing in self pity because I rode badly’ episode the previous day seem very very petty, by all accounts this young man was a top class bloke, with a loving family and a successful and busy business. What really hit a cord with me was reading his wife’s statement. The brutally honest words of a woman who had lost her soul mate, husband, best friend and father of her child to mental illness. Because I’ve been there and if we are all honest I’m sure many of us have been in a situation where ‘me not being here’ has, even if only for a split second looked a easier way out. Sadly some of us aren’t able to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, because nothing lasts forever and that’s the point. No matter how bad things are, there will always be a light. That light might be one person that loves you, a horse that excites you or even a pet that needs you to look after them. As someone who has experienced the darkest of times, I promise there is always light.. The easiest way to find it is to TALK. Alone is a very dark place and very few of us actually are, we just choose to be. Choose to be light, TALK to someone and be someone people can talk to. You never know, you might just change a life.

Whilst all that very sad news was filtering though a totally non related video went viral on social media, it was a video of a girl riding a dressage test. A video I’d like to add that hadn’t been shared (from what I could tell) by her. I was and still am astonished at the comments made on the video, talk about rip this poor girl apart limb by limb! Now, I’m not saying this girl was a Carl Hester in the making and yes it was slightly uncomfortable viewing. But what shocked me was the fact that in one breath people were saying more needs to be done to help people with depression and in the very next breath they were ripping in to this person who they had never me and had no idea or context as to how the video came about.. My first thoughts when I saw the video were these – why didn’t the judge stop her? I hope someone helps her improve and understand what is and isn’t acceptable and the fact that the horse looked well looked after, in great condition and that he looked more annoyed at her than scared. Again I’m not excusing what she was doing but to be honest- she looked very ineffective to me.

Now what I found even more astonishing was the amount of professional riders having their pound of flesh off this girl, I wanted to ask them how they would feel if someone videoed them having a ‘off’ day or ‘squaring’ a horse up and posted it on social media for everyone to put their pennies worth in.

Show me any rider, especially a professional one that tells you they haven’t been tough on a horse, lost their temper or gone too far with a horse and later regretted it and I’ll show you a lier.

I wonder how many takers I would get if I invited everyone that commented mean things on that video to come mid week jumping with me, I promise you that we will witness some horses being ridden in an over bent outline, with drawreins on, being pulled around and being jabbed with spurs. Then I want them to go say the same kind of things they wrote but to the riders in person… Wonder how many would?

Have I ever had to be tough on a horse, yes. Have I regretted it… In some cases yes, in some no – because in most cases it was the making of the horse. Brutal but true. Us professional riders and I’m sure a lot of amateur riders are fully aware of the riders that are tougher on their horses, why don’t we all go posting on their social media telling them how crap they are????? Or better still go up to them in person… You know why we don’t? Because it has nothing to do with us and trolls pick their victims, usually from behind a computer screen. Brutal but true.

My final point – imagine if the rider in that video took her life over the public humiliation she has been put though? If you commented on that video imagine if it was YOUR comment that pushed her over the edge. Would if be worth it? Worth you putting your 5p’s of unwanted and unhelpful criticism in for?

So remember – every action has a reaction. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw house bricks and be mindful because one day someone may just unload a video of you not at your best, for the grace of god go I.

Over and out..

P x

 

 

A canvas is never blank, being, being made and meaningful being meaningless.

So I am back with my final blog of 2017, you know guys know the drill! Make a cuppa and pull up a chair and prepare yourself for bad spelling and even worse grammar!!

So hopefully this blog won’t be to boring.. I have written it after thinking about what I have experienced over the last 12 months, you see this last year really has been an eye opener in so many ways. I have learnt so much about people, myself and so much more…….. So here goes.. Hope you are all ready for a long read!

I would say I have a reputation for very quickly working horses (and peoples) characters out, this isn’t a ego boost for me. It’s a fact, I really don’t have many strengths or talents but I am confident that I am, to put it crudely – very good at quickily accessing whether horses need a pat or a slap. Of course there is more to it than that, some horses need a slap then a pat. Some need to be bullied the entire time and some need a friend who is on their side even when they are acting or behaving like a idiot. I believe a lot of my skill to judge horses so quickly comes from the fact I have had such a varied career with horses. In my early 20’s in the space of less than 6 months I had shown section B’s in mountain and moorland worker classes, ridden under rules over hurdles and ridden round my first CCI3* and managed to win in one way or another in all 3!! That type of experience is invaluable, more recently a lot of my experience has come from my job breaking in yearlings over the winter. I am in my forth winter there and what continues to surprise me is just what personalitys they have. At the yard we get a fantastic mixture of sales, semi wild and feral yearlings. Most but not all, have never been rollared etc before. And what always stands out for me is that here we have this supposedly ‘blank canvas’ infront of us to train and mould – but you know what, they never are. They are never totally blank, simply because they are a living, breathing being that has an opinion. It never fails to amaze me that we can have this little wild, scared, untouched, hairy yearling that just wants to do their best to try and not be scared, to try and trust you and do the right thing. Then you’ll get a beautifully polished, well handled sales yearling that has a bad attitude and doesn’t want a bar of it.

What experience has taught me is not to take things that another living breathing being does to heart, even if they are being pig headed, difficult, won’t listen, unkind, ungenuine or mean. I just take a breath, keep doing my best by them and I always remember that it’s not personal, because they are what they are. Simple. If I really can’t get though to them I move on, it’s not admitting defeat. It’s actually admitting my time is precious and why should I waste it trying to prove a point?

This brings me on to being and being made…

So this year I did something very out of character, I dated men! 3 in total.. I would like to add not all at the same time!! All of them nice enough guys, nothing much came of it. I am basically a happier person single, but the experience opened my eyes to just how may people allow themselves to ‘be made’ instead of just ‘being’.. I have been a single pringle for so long now that I am so used to being happy or sad just because that’s how I make myself feel. So I was shocked how much dating opened my eyes to how many people allow people (not always partners, sometimes friends)  that made them feel a certain way to stay in their life. Now I’m not saying that it’s bad to allow someone in your life that makes you happy, of course it isn’t… But there is a small but significant difference between makes and being made, same with makes or being made sad. Make sure you know the difference. It may seem a small difference but it you experience it you’ll know the difference is there.

The last couple of weeks I’ve had a massive wobble about my life, all triggered by someone asking if I was happy with my meaningless life.. I promise this person was not having a dig at me! They just asked if I really didn’t mind being on my own, if I really didn’t want children and did I not mind not having a career as such… I have actually worried and over thought about it quite a bit the last couple of weeks, I mean am I really happy? Is this my lot? Then I was in the pub a couple of weeks ago and got chatting to two older gentlemen. They were both semi – retired from their very high flying, high earning jobs in the city, I found them so interesting and they in turn found what I did for a living really interesting. I mentioned my worries about being in my mid 30’s and seemingly having nothing to show for all my hard work. One of the older guys asked me what was meaningful to me, what did I really care about – I replied with – my family, having my freedom and having my horses. And there it was…. He smiled and said, meaningful is meaningless if it isn’t meaningful to you.

Some people might have replied to his question with the answer – money, big house, good career, nice car etc… But I didn’t, everything that is meaningful to me I currently have in my life. I may be leading a meaningless life to my friend but then again I might think there meaningful is meaningless. Who are we to judge or why should we worry what others think about out life’s? After all, someone’s meaningless  could well be your meaningful.

Happy Christmas and have a fantastic new year guys, stay safe…. Just remember…

2018 is yours to do as you wish with, time is precious so don’t take it personally, only worry about what is painted on your own canvas, just being isn’t a bad thing and meaningless is all about what is meaningful to you.

Over and out..

Lots of love. Xx

P

 

Percentages, chasing the dragon and radio silence…. 

So here I am… Back writing another one of my blogs, now normally I tell you guys to pull up a chair. However, tonight you guys might need a comfy sofa as this blog is a long one!

As always, please excuse the spelling and grammar mistakes, I get so annoyed I make them but someone once told me they were part of the charm of my blogs… Who am I to argue?!?!

Some of my loyal social media friends might have noticed that I recently deleted my social media pages, this was a interesting experience for me. Radio silence can actually be very inpowering sometimes. Now, I’m sure you are all very aware of just how active I am on them. I won’t go in to the reasons why I deleted my social media but it was a bit of an experiment….. Did I miss social media? Not as much as I thought I would. I bet you guys are thinking well why am I back on here if I didn’t miss it? Mainly because you guys seem to miss me and my ramblings. That probably seems really big headed, but I really don’t mean it to be…. So let me explain! Whilst my social media was deleted I took Colin jumping and bumped in to a lovely girl, whom I didn’t know from Adam! But she came over and asked if this was the famous Colin. I, of course proudly said yes. She went on to tell me all about how she follows us on social media and that she has just started riding and competing and how we give her confidence to give it ago because of how ‘real’ we are. Very publicly. Warts and all. I was genuinely taken aback.. But it’s not the first time I’ve been told that my social media cheers people up.. The reason I think I cheer people up is because not only am I but also my social media is so real. I mean, am undoubtedly one of the strongest, happiest and independent girls you’ll find. But even though most days I’m so unbelievably happy to be a single, strong, independent woman with Colin as my life partner. Even I on a (very) odd day face the fact that I’m in my mid 30’s, pretty chunky and the chances of any bloke actually wanting to take me out are slim to none. Sometimes I struggle with the feeling that I have achieved so little, other than to be lucky enough to drop on some amazing horses and pony that haven given me incredible experiences. But hey ho……

Anyone that tells you that are happy all the time is lying. Because no one is, that is real life. And that is what makes me laugh so much about social media, it seems to give people the need to show hundreds sometimes thousands of people they don’t even know and have never met just how amazing thier life is. When in reality they probably hate their husband but can’t afford to leave him, their kids annoy the f**k out of them and that £50k 5yr old they bought from that well known pro as the ideal horse to get them to Badminton is a gutless twat xc that won’t go within 200 yards of the water or a ditch.

I have been chasing the dragon of having a exciting, fun, boring, passionate, safe, sad and happy life style for years, I’m sure you are all thinking that it is all a contradiction of terms. But it really isn’t…. I believe life is about percentages and balance. If you aren’t sad sometimes how can you know what it feels like to be genuinely happy? Same with being bored, allowing yourself to be bored means being excited will feel oh so much more special. But and it’s a big but, I have learnt to make sure all the percentages tip in my favour. The good times have to out way the bad. This time of year my life is very boring. Pretty much all work, work and more work but I love my job. So there it is – my life is pretty boring at the moment but I’m happier than I am bored. I keep my life like that.. Always tipping in my favour even if sometimes it might not feel like things are quite going my way.

So remember, how can you appreciate being happy if you aren’t sad occasionally? It’s better to be born lucky than rich, don’t believe everything you read and sometimes silence says more than a thousand words.
Xx

Me, myself and I, appreciating what you don’t have and don’t reason with stupid…..

So here we are again.. You guys know the drill! Pull up a chair and excuse the bad grammar and spelling!!!!

This blog is a very personal one and if I’m not I am honest I was nervous about publishing it, I am going to share something with you all that very few people know about. But you know me, go big or go home… If I’m going to share a personal secret, why not share it with everyone that reads my blogs and the world of social media?!!!

Recently I have witnessed what I think some people may call ‘cyber bullying’

Now when I say witnessed what I really mean is I have sat back and read many very negative posts about someone by someone else on social media, the whole situation  intrigued me. The person that was being targeted never bit back but the need to paint this person in a negative light was pretty alarming. It really got me thinking, what makes a person want to go on social media and call someone out in such a way?? I mean, I’m not saying the person receiving the negative attention is a saint but what makes a grown adult want to sit in front of a screen and vent about someone they have nothing to do with to thousands of people they don’t know.. Odd hey? I had been thinking about it for months, well when I say thinking – I mean it would pop in to my head every now and again.. I just couldn’t see the point of it, why would you want to try and distroy someone so publicly? A couple of nights ago whilst sitting with my mum watching TV she asked what was on my mind (mums know everything!!) So I told her.. I explained in great detail what had happened, been said and the effect I could see it might have on someone not as strong minded as myself. My mum looked at me wisely and I was waiting for her ‘mum knows everything reply’ when she said this……….

Clearly they are stupid and mean, I shouldn’t lose any sleep over trying to work them out. You can’t reason with stupid and you never want to surround yourself with mean people. I came back with how this person must be unhappy, lonely or both.. Mum shots back with, Phoebe – we are all unhappy and lonely at times. Does that mean you take time out of your day to sit in from of a computer and rant about someone that’s actually doing no harm to you, to loads of people that don’t know you from Adam? No it doesn’t. The end.

Mums response got me thinking…

When I was 16 I lost my best friend, he had a heart defect and needed a transplant. Because I wasn’t family I wasn’t allowed to stay with him in hospital, so in my typical ‘you won’t stop me way’ I got a job cleaning there so I could stay close to him. I promised him if he got though the operation I would buy him his beloved Manchester United football shirts. He duly did and when he left critical care and moved on to intensive care off I went with the money I got from selling my first horse and bought his Man U shirts for him. The relief I felt when he left intensive care is like no relief I’ve ever felt before or since. He was making great strides so I went back to doing my horses, the first morning I didn’t clean at the hospital I got a phone call to say he had taken a sudden turn for the worse and died. Still to this day I haven’t got over the fact I let him down… I wasn’t there for him when I should have been.. For that I can never ever forgive myself.. I will never forget him saying to me before his operation that if he didn’t come though it he wanted me to promise to him that I would enjoy my life and to be kind.

It is because of him and his words that I am the loyalist friend you will ever find, I never want to feel the pain of not being there when I should have been ever again, I try my best to be kind and I enjoy myself to fullest whenever possible.

Yesterday I sat in the beautiful sunshine on my most beloved horse and all this ran though my mind…..

Some people think I’m a real loner, but that is far from the truth. I adore my friends, I just don’t have many of them.. I am very much single because I love my life as it is and I have honestly not found someone I think can or wants to add to my life enough to allow them to. No one makes me happier than me, myself and I. If I want to do dinner or to go dancing, I take myself and have met some amazing people whilst out and about on my own. I also have learnt to appreciate the things I don’t have, sometimes you really are better without than with.

Life really is to short to reason with stupid, surround yourself with mean and to not be happy..

Have a great weekend, until next time…….

Enjoy and be kind.

P xx

Wanting what you wouldn’t have even if you could, remembering it’s not you, it’s them and cutting the cord..

I’m back… You guys know the deal! Get a drink, pull up a chair and prepare your good selfs for my bad spelling, even worse grammar and ramblings!!

So…… A good few weeks have passed since my last blog but in that time I have had and witnessed a couple of life lessons. Sounds corny I know, but I’ve honestly sat up and learnt more about myself and me friends in the last couple of weeks than I have in a very long time.

This year I went to Burghley to support a very good and certainly the longest standing friend I have. Now this was a big deal for me, you see I haven’t attended Burghley or Badminton since I last rode there. Pure and simply because I have no interest in watching other people riding, I don’t even ‘love’ eventing so I have never felt any desire to go. However, I have felt very guilty at not going along to cheer my friend on more often. So this year I decided I’d stop being spoilt and I would go… And you know what, I really enjoyed it! I loved just being around for my friend, did I help in anyway? Of course not! But I was there, I loved watching him ride and felt hugely proud of just what my friend has achieved, he was always the far better and the more dedicated rider out of the two of us, he always deserved chances, nice horses and good owners. I’m delighted for him that he now has them. Whilst I was walking part of the course on Friday evening I bumped in to someone I’d not seen in a while and the first thing he asked me was if I missed eventing at top level. I without missing a beat firmly and honestly answered with the words ‘not at all’

Truth is this, when I drove though the Burghley gates on the Friday I really thought I’d be bitter and chippy about watching people doing something I used to do. But not at all, I loved it all, walking the course, watching him cantering over the finish line. All of it, not once did I feel a bit of envy. Would I like to have a ride at Burghley again? Of course.. But it would have to be on the right horse because I love riding proper horses. I don’t love eventing. And I’ve ridden proper horses round Burghley and Badminton… No feeling can replace the one I had at my first Burghley with The Busker – I didn’t walk a single long route on the XC, that’s how much confidence I had in him. He was all heart, class and if you looked the word genuine up in a dictionary The Buskers name would be under it. Same goes for the feeling of power, scope and speed Little Tiger gave me, I honestly think she would have galloped until her heart burst and she would have jumped a house. I can never understand how people who have ridden horses like my two can then go and ride lesser horses. That probably sounds very spoilt but for me it would be like driving a Bentley, crashing it and then getting a Skoda just so you could keep driving. I don’t like driving that much either. I think and hope I am eventing my next 4* horse. If he isn’t good enough I actually don’t care, he’s a nice horse and I like riding him. He is more Bentley less Skoda. Fact.

On to my next life lesson…

Wanting what you actually wouldn’t have even if you could have it……

We have all been there, right? The man, the horse, the friend that we have lost one way or another. Well, I am probably the worlds best person at dealing with this situation, when it’s done it’s done. I cut the cord and am outta there. Trust me, you can never go back.. You can never truly get it back to what it was. Once the trust or confidence is broken, its gone and its impossible to truly get it back. In the past I’ve had people say to me ‘you can get it back if you work hard at it’  But why should I have to? Life is hard enough without having to work hard to get something back that should never have been lost in the first place. If I’m wrong, I have no problem at all about apologising.. But if I am unfairly wronged, then please shut the door as you leave. It’s as simple as that.

I see it like this, if a horse goes badly for you, gives you a bad fall or knocks your confidence get rid. Same with people.. If that bloke doesn’t message you back or messes you around or if that friend treats you badly, get them gone.

Because it is them not you, not all jigsaw puzzle pieces fit together. You wouldnt spend hours, days, weeks maybe even months or years trying to fit the wrong jigsaw puzzle pieces together, would you? Nor would you then break pieces off the jigsaw puzzle pieces to try and make them fit together. What you would do is this – once you realised the jigsaw puzzle piece you were trying to fit to yours wasn’t the right match you would put it back, get a new piece and see it that one fitted better.

Remember this….

If you wouldn’t have it stop wanting it, don’t break pieces off yourself to fit with someone else and don’t expect someone else to break pieces off themselves to fit you. Cut the cord and enjoy finding that jigsaw puzzle piece that fits yours perfectly.

Over and out…

P xx

It’s all about learning to say nothing at all or something nice…

So I’m back…..

This whole ‘last ever blog’ thing isn’t going so well for me is it?!?!? But you guys seem to still be enjoying them so maybe I will keep writing them. For now anyways! You lot would not believe the amount of times I have read and re read this blog (and changed it!) and I’m still not totally happy with it, but hey ho. That’s life! Make no mistake this is not a great blog even by my standards! But please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes. I really am very dyslexic so struggle like mad with this type of writing.

So guys, pull up a chair and prepare your good selfs for my usual ramblings…….

Recently I have been reminded just how hard it seems to be for some people to say the easiest things to say.. Like the word ‘no’

No, is one of the first words we learn to say as children, but as adults it is often the hardest word to say to someone. Odd isn’t it? Also saying nothing at all, why is it so hard to be quiet? And it’s usually when what you have to say shouldn’t be said at all!

Same with saying something nice, as children it is one of the first things our parents teach us. Be nice to other children.

I would be guilty of not saying no often enough, just as I would be guilty of not being quiet enough of the time! But and it’s a big but, me not saying no and also talking to much is always for the right reasons, it’s to be nice and helpful. However, I am learning, learning that if someone won’t appreciate the effort I put in I will say no, I was seriously burnt 2 summers again when I put in weeks and weeks of my time and effort in to someone who did not appreciate it one jot. They went home and all I got was grief over something they did whilst staying with me but without me, my blessing and away from the horses. It hurt me more than anyone would ever know. But life is about learning and that situation was a life lesson.

What I have also learnt is that not everyone wants or cares for your help, input or words.  Think long and hard about if you putting your pennies worth in is actually pennies that are wanted.

My parents taught me from a early age to only worry about the opinions of people that matter. To only worry about the opinions of people that bring more good in to your life and want you to succeed, if those people are critical of you and what you are doing then you listen. Mum always said if someone is more negative than they are positive about you and what you are doing with your life remove them. Life is hard enough as it is.

This brings me on to social media and how it seems to allow people to feel they have a god given right to criticise people that they usually don’t even know! I say to people that are struggling with negativity they are receiving on Facebook that unless the people doing the critising are paying the entry fees etc just ignore and move on. I always say this is MY social media page and I post what I like, if people don’t like it they know where the unfriend button is.

Publicly pulling strips off people is not cool. Not even god does it. End of.

So remember what I always say. Life is about balance. And you must keep the balance of your life tipping up.

Ask yourself does that person criticising you bring as much, if not more positivity to your life as as they do bring negativity? If not, why are they in your life? Has the person criticising what you are trying to achieve, achieved at the very least as much or ideally more than you have? If not why are you allowing their lesser educated opinions effect you?  Never feel bad about cutting these people out of your life, if the friendship doesn’t serve you why should you serve it?

And finally, remember you learn more about people when you remove them from your life than when they were part of it. That is the time that people show their true colours. And leopards never change their spots.

over and out until next time. Xx

P…

 

 

It’s all about balance..

So I am back………. No one panic, I am only back for a one off special!!! You guys know the drill, make a cup of tea, pull up a chair and prepare yourselves once again for my boring waffle, bad grammar and even worse spelling.

I am sure you are all wondering why the hell am I am back? Don’t worry you lot aren’t alone! I am asking myself the very same question as I sit hear headphones on, drinking coffee, trying to spell and grammar check as I write!!! Truth is I have missed writing. But that isn’t why I’m back… And this is very much a one off, I promise!!                                                                                                                                        It is very hard to believe I started writing blogs over 3 years ago and wrote my last blog nearly 7 months ago. The reaction my ramblings received from you amazing people blew my mind! From the blogs I have been offered work writing regular blogs and even articles for several magazines, crazy hey?!?!?

So, back to why I am writing this… At the weekend I got asked about my coaching and my thinking behind the way I coach. I waffled on about some crap because I wanted to get off the subject of me. Those that know me well will be able to tell you that whilst I can tell a good story, I actually hate talking about me. Mostly because I am very uninteresting.. But also because I’ve learnt you learn less from talking and more from listening, even if what you learn isn’t knowledge.

Sometimes what you learn about the person you are listening to talk is invaluable.

But having waffled on about some crap and swiftly getting off the subject of me I couldn’t stop thinking about the thinking behind my coaching.. What is it I do?             I know I have the reputation (please don’t think I am being arrogrant when I say this) of getting people and horses to achieve things they would never have believed was possible. But how? This is what I came up with and what I wished I had the courage to say at the weekend….

Its all about balance. In every sense of the word.

The first thing I look for when I meet new people or horses is confidence, how do they carry themselves? Do they sit or stand square and do they look me in the eye with confidence? That’s the first balance I have to tip….                                                               If the balance of confidence isn’t tipped towards the positive side you are fighting a losing battle. I often tell unconfident people I am coaching to look me in the eye whilst talking and to stop looking like an apology, you won’t get very far in any walk of life without confidence. Full stop.                                                                                          Then I look at how brave they are, this balance is (IMO) the most important. Bravery comes in all forms, I’m not talking about someone who is gun ho and happy to gallop flat out everywhere! I’m talking about if someone/a horse is brave enough to listen and push themselves out of their comfort zone if I tell them to. If they will grab the bull by the horns and have a go.                                                                                                    Then i move on to looking at their actual balance, you don’t have to be a great or even a good rider but if you have good balance and don’t interfere a horse can do its job. Some people naturally have it, some have to work at it.                                                                                Then I go on to attitude, a good attitude is invaluable. A bad attitude is easily got rid of.. Either the person/horse changes it or they leave. Simples.

So there it is.. My ground rules for not only coaching but LIFE.

Be confident, you’ll get nowhere in life not being confident. And if you aren’t confident, pretend you are and wing it. It’s what most people do.                                                                                             Be brave, you’ll regret the times you weren’t brave far more than the times you’ll regret being brave. Trust me I know, this weekend I was on a bad stride to the last  fence after a foot perfect round on the xc, every ounce of me screamed be brave, slip your reins and kick. I didn’t.. I wasn’t brave, I held on to nothing and hoped for the best.. And we fell.. Don’t be me, be brave.. Don’t fall and if you do fall, fall trying.                                                         Have balance, life is about balance.. Sometimes it isn’t easy to manage, but practice makes perfect. Play as much as you work, it’s more important than you will believe.       Keep a check of your attitude and the attitude of people around you. If it isn’t good, change it or get rid. Nothing good came from having a bad attitude. Fact.

So remember life is to short to not be confident, not be brave, not have balance in your life or a good attitude… Oh and also bad sex, coffee, men and horses…

Over and out all, until next time. Take care XX

P

 

 

 

 

Being the majority not the minority, loving the idea but liking the reality….

Evening all..

So here we are again, you guys are about to read a read a blog I’ve written (badly) whilst I wait with bated breath for feed back from you all… I always worry how you guys will reacte to my blogs, I am very aware my blogs are not the ‘usual’ type of blog. Also, I worry my blogs are to much like me! to honest, to close to the bone and to to the point.. But this blog is different, not only will it be my last ever blog. But I know this blog is to honest, I know it is to close to the bone and I know it is to to the point! But sod it, I may as well go out with a bang hadn’t I?! So pull up a chair guys, because this will be a very long read……………

Over the last couple of years two of close friends have a) unfairly lost the ride on a horse or have b) unfairly lost their job which included all rides on horses that came with it. Just like that, boom.. Carpet pulled from our underneath them, both friends privately turned to me, at the time I didn’t really understand why. But now I think I know why, because they knew I would be a 100% honest with them. If they had deserved it I would have said as much.. I remember one conversation that went a long the lines of ‘Phoebe, did I deserve to lose that horse? Me – No you didn’t, don’t get me wrong you can be a t**t but the owner is a c**t and you don’t want to work or ride for people like that. The end, now move on’

Recently a friend went thou a similar thing and it brought memories back of having to watch people you care about being treated badly and just how mistrustful it can make people.. But worse than that, it brought back memories of how badly I felt I was treated by someone right at the start of my career and how without a shadow of a doubt that experience changed and the path I took with my career.

I will never ever forget being a keen 19yr old event rider and being told I would get to ride one of the best event horses on the circut. Excited doesn’t even cover it, you see despite what I say.. I used to LOVE eventing, I remember at the tender age of 15 planning how I was going to Badminton event by event! So imanage my delight when I was offered a horse that had been 8th at Burghley. Yes, he had had 2 years off with leg problems but I didn’t care.. I know just how lucky I was and I adored the bear bones of the horse.. Our first season went fantastically well and we aimed at a Autumn 3 day with the plan of really giving the young rider team a proper go the following season. So can you imanage how I felt when I found out that at our Autumn 3 day that whilst watching me trot up someone heavily involved with the young rider system was slagging me and my wonderful horse off! He was helped in the bitch fest by a groom of one of the other people who would be aiming at the young rider team the following season. And my crime that meant I deserved this public hanging? It was is just because I had been given the ride on this horse, it destroyed me.. I didn’t poach the ride, I didn’t go ringing up the owner trying to nick the ride in anyway. He had been in the field with leg problems, my owner had been asked by his owner if she knew of a young rider  who might like the ride and thankfully my wonderfully loyal owner jumped at the chance to have him and she ran him as her own horse for me to ride. And because of that I was being ripped to pieces, from that moment on I promised myself I would never ever get involved on a friendship level with anyone from eventing, if the powers that be felt it was acceptable to stand and rip me to pieces in public they were not the sort of people I wanted to be involved with.. And I’m worse than an elephant.. I never ever forget..

However time heals wounds and by the following season I had mallowed out about it all, my dream horse was on fire that season. We won first time out and kept up our fantastic form all season.. However midway thou that season it happened again, I over heard a ‘power that be’ slagging me and my wonderful horse off. This happened just before Bramham, I went to Bramham crushed but also so angry. Needless to say I went  there with a point to prove and a massive chip developing on my shoulder! That week I did a masterful job of steering my wonderful horse vaguely in the right direction in each phase and he did an even more masterful job of not only putting up with my crap steering but of also some how looking after me and also managing to win. In the moment following the prize giving I was happy to draw a line thou my dream of being on the young rider team.

I loved the idea of eventing to the highest level and representing my country but I didn’t like the reality of having to deal with and be nice to people who such horrid narrow minded views. And people I frankly thought were ar*ses..

Everyone who knows me will know I did in fact go to the young rider European Championship.. We won gold and my wonderful horse was the best British horse, I went to the championships with a awful outlook.. I went there for my owner and my horse. Not because I wanted to be on a team.. I just wanted to make sure my horse and I got to be the best British combination. We did that, I had an ok time and I just hope I did my horse, my owner and my mum (who came to watch) proud.

Anyone that knows me will tell you I’m all about everyone one else, I adore helping and encouraging others… I would have loved nothing more than to have felt I could have truly been part of my team, but how could I when I had to sit across a table from a groom and a person in a position of power that had not only slagged me off but also had openly joked about me being a dirty pikey! So I did what I do best… Get angry then just shut myself off from the world..

Fast forward a few years and…..

Not so long ago I lost the ride on a horse I felt I shouldn’t have, it was all a genuine mix up I was told.. Then soon after that the same owner bought the rider they had given my ride to a super smart horse to ride, that was some bitter pill to swallow! But I have (hopefully) not complained about it to much for several reasons..

I love the idea of having a big, busy event yard with loads of horses and going back to being that 19yr old with dreams far bigger than her actual talent.. But I don’t like the reality of that in order to have that big busy yard I will have to deal with people that aren’t loyal and think it’s ok to take horses away from you when they shouldn’t and to have to put up with people talking about you because they have decided you are beneath them and that someone who rides as badly as you shouldn’t have rides on nice horses. Don’t get me wrong these people are a minority not a majority.. But still, eventing is in my experience dog eat dog and as the old saying goes – if you can’t stand the heat get out the kitchen. I never liked cooking that much anyways…

I took a step back from eventing about 3 years ago and I have to say I’m happier than ever..

I love the reality of my life.. And I like the idea of changing it.. Until that balance changes I shall stay as I am – a random blonde girl who talks to much, laughs at her own jokes, has a couple of event horses that she adores riding, has a million fantastic people she loves teaching more than words can say, has a few select friends she misses more than she’d ever tell them when they arent around to either try and force feed me gin or let me drive over speed dumps at a million miles an hour and one very loyal owner that never ever makes her question if she will lose the ride on any of her horses…

Life is so very short…

Love your reality more than you like the idea you don’t have, don’t complain about something you don’t have but aren’t prepared to do what needs doing to have it and remember sometimes being a majority is better than being the minority..

Stay safe, be lucky and if you can’t do those two then just make sure you are having fun whilst you are being unlucky and unsafe and there is a positive in every negative if you look hard enough..

Over and out all……

Phoebe, Champ and Custard Xx