Percentages, chasing the dragon and radio silence…. 

So here I am… Back writing another one of my blogs, now normally I tell you guys to pull up a chair. However, tonight you guys might need a comfy sofa as this blog is a long one!

As always, please excuse the spelling and grammar mistakes, I get so annoyed I make them but someone once told me they were part of the charm of my blogs… Who am I to argue?!?!

Some of my loyal social media friends might have noticed that I recently deleted my social media pages, this was a interesting experience for me. Radio silence can actually be very inpowering sometimes. Now, I’m sure you are all very aware of just how active I am on them. I won’t go in to the reasons why I deleted my social media but it was a bit of an experiment….. Did I miss social media? Not as much as I thought I would. I bet you guys are thinking well why am I back on here if I didn’t miss it? Mainly because you guys seem to miss me and my ramblings. That probably seems really big headed, but I really don’t mean it to be…. So let me explain! Whilst my social media was deleted I took Colin jumping and bumped in to a lovely girl, whom I didn’t know from Adam! But she came over and asked if this was the famous Colin. I, of course proudly said yes. She went on to tell me all about how she follows us on social media and that she has just started riding and competing and how we give her confidence to give it ago because of how ‘real’ we are. Very publicly. Warts and all. I was genuinely taken aback.. But it’s not the first time I’ve been told that my social media cheers people up.. The reason I think I cheer people up is because not only am I but also my social media is so real. I mean, am undoubtedly one of the strongest, happiest and independent girls you’ll find. But even though most days I’m so unbelievably happy to be a single, strong, independent woman with Colin as my life partner. Even I on a (very) odd day face the fact that I’m in my mid 30’s, pretty chunky and the chances of any bloke actually wanting to take me out are slim to none. Sometimes I struggle with the feeling that I have achieved so little, other than to be lucky enough to drop on some amazing horses and pony that haven given me incredible experiences. But hey ho……

Anyone that tells you that are happy all the time is lying. Because no one is, that is real life. And that is what makes me laugh so much about social media, it seems to give people the need to show hundreds sometimes thousands of people they don’t even know and have never met just how amazing thier life is. When in reality they probably hate their husband but can’t afford to leave him, their kids annoy the f**k out of them and that £50k 5yr old they bought from that well known pro as the ideal horse to get them to Badminton is a gutless twat xc that won’t go within 200 yards of the water or a ditch.

I have been chasing the dragon of having a exciting, fun, boring, passionate, safe, sad and happy life style for years, I’m sure you are all thinking that it is all a contradiction of terms. But it really isn’t…. I believe life is about percentages and balance. If you aren’t sad sometimes how can you know what it feels like to be genuinely happy? Same with being bored, allowing yourself to be bored means being excited will feel oh so much more special. But and it’s a big but, I have learnt to make sure all the percentages tip in my favour. The good times have to out way the bad. This time of year my life is very boring. Pretty much all work, work and more work but I love my job. So there it is – my life is pretty boring at the moment but I’m happier than I am bored. I keep my life like that.. Always tipping in my favour even if sometimes it might not feel like things are quite going my way.

So remember, how can you appreciate being happy if you aren’t sad occasionally? It’s better to be born lucky than rich, don’t believe everything you read and sometimes silence says more than a thousand words.
Xx

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Me, myself and I, appreciating what you don’t have and don’t reason with stupid…..

So here we are again.. You guys know the drill! Pull up a chair and excuse the bad grammar and spelling!!!!

This blog is a very personal one and if I’m not I am honest I was nervous about publishing it, I am going to share something with you all that very few people know about. But you know me, go big or go home… If I’m going to share a personal secret, why not share it with everyone that reads my blogs and the world of social media?!!!

Recently I have witnessed what I think some people may call ‘cyber bullying’

Now when I say witnessed what I really mean is I have sat back and read many very negative posts about someone by someone else on social media, the whole situation  intrigued me. The person that was being targeted never bit back but the need to paint this person in a negative light was pretty alarming. It really got me thinking, what makes a person want to go on social media and call someone out in such a way?? I mean, I’m not saying the person receiving the negative attention is a saint but what makes a grown adult want to sit in front of a screen and vent about someone they have nothing to do with to thousands of people they don’t know.. Odd hey? I had been thinking about it for months, well when I say thinking – I mean it would pop in to my head every now and again.. I just couldn’t see the point of it, why would you want to try and distroy someone so publicly? A couple of nights ago whilst sitting with my mum watching TV she asked what was on my mind (mums know everything!!) So I told her.. I explained in great detail what had happened, been said and the effect I could see it might have on someone not as strong minded as myself. My mum looked at me wisely and I was waiting for her ‘mum knows everything reply’ when she said this……….

Clearly they are stupid and mean, I shouldn’t lose any sleep over trying to work them out. You can’t reason with stupid and you never want to surround yourself with mean people. I came back with how this person must be unhappy, lonely or both.. Mum shots back with, Phoebe – we are all unhappy and lonely at times. Does that mean you take time out of your day to sit in from of a computer and rant about someone that’s actually doing no harm to you, to loads of people that don’t know you from Adam? No it doesn’t. The end.

Mums response got me thinking…

When I was 16 I lost my best friend, he had a heart defect and needed a transplant. Because I wasn’t family I wasn’t allowed to stay with him in hospital, so in my typical ‘you won’t stop me way’ I got a job cleaning there so I could stay close to him. I promised him if he got though the operation I would buy him his beloved Manchester United football shirts. He duly did and when he left critical care and moved on to intensive care off I went with the money I got from selling my first horse and bought his Man U shirts for him. The relief I felt when he left intensive care is like no relief I’ve ever felt before or since. He was making great strides so I went back to doing my horses, the first morning I didn’t clean at the hospital I got a phone call to say he had taken a sudden turn for the worse and died. Still to this day I haven’t got over the fact I let him down… I wasn’t there for him when I should have been.. For that I can never ever forgive myself.. I will never forget him saying to me before his operation that if he didn’t come though it he wanted me to promise to him that I would enjoy my life and to be kind.

It is because of him and his words that I am the loyalist friend you will ever find, I never want to feel the pain of not being there when I should have been ever again, I try my best to be kind and I enjoy myself to fullest whenever possible.

Yesterday I sat in the beautiful sunshine on my most beloved horse and all this ran though my mind…..

Some people think I’m a real loner, but that is far from the truth. I adore my friends, I just don’t have many of them.. I am very much single because I love my life as it is and I have honestly not found someone I think can or wants to add to my life enough to allow them to. No one makes me happier than me, myself and I. If I want to do dinner or to go dancing, I take myself and have met some amazing people whilst out and about on my own. I also have learnt to appreciate the things I don’t have, sometimes you really are better without than with.

Life really is to short to reason with stupid, surround yourself with mean and to not be happy..

Have a great weekend, until next time…….

Enjoy and be kind.

P xx