The captain always goes down with his ship..

So I’m back.. Are you all ready? I hope so!!
This blog had been sitting in my drafts waiting to be posted for a week or two now but the time just hasn’t felt right.. Until now that is..

Jimmy Shoo is 3 events in to his event season but in his last run he faced his biggest chanellenge, a very strong advanced at Burnham Market… His previous 2 runs had been at events that are well and truly in his comfort zone course and ground wise.
So going to Burnham Market knowing that not only that the course would be the toughest he had faced to date but that he would hate the tacky ground, if I’m honest didn’t hold out much hope of getting round!!

In the dressage Jimmy was wild but he has always been a horse that has never had even the tiniest bit of sparkle in the dressage and he is always such hard work.. So the fact he is now a little full of himself is great!!

I mean I have spent forever trying to get him more off my leg so I can’t be cross that he is now to much off my leg can I?!?! Instead I tell him what a good boy he is, trying to keep him jolly and enjoying the dressage and hopefully that will spill out in the other 2 phases..
In the showjumping the ground was terribly tacky, holding and dead, as I have said many times before – Jimmy has so much ability but only puts it in when it suits and he doesn’t like to try to hard.. Having ridden him like a total idiot to the first fence and landed him on the back rail I got hold of myself and up’d the canter to help him get out of the ground and I have to give credit where credit is due! Jimmy busted a gut round the rest of the course
That is something I have never ever felt Jimmy do!! Try!!

I was still feeling pretty confident he wouldn’t jump round the cross country, I know you may think that’s a bad mind set to have and maybe it is but it is how Jimmy has made me feel but and this is a massive but for all my slightly negative feelings I still have full confidence in his ability and rode him out the start box like a good thing and you know what – he jumped like a good thing..
Don’t get me wrong he hated every second of the ground but I tried to ride with my head..
I kept him on the best of the ground in-between fences and made a huge fuss of him after every fence, I mean we all need a little pat on the back from our boss when we are doing our best for them don’t we?
At the more difficult fences I could honestly feel Jimmy almost looking to me to help him..

No ‘f**k this I’m finding it hard so I won’t bother trying’

I did what I do best, I kept positive and just kept my head down and kicked forwards and I have to say I loved the feeling that we had worked together to jump a clear round.

Jimmy had tried his hardest for me on ground he hated and I tried my hardest for him by not getting in the way and keeping him straight and keeping his engine running when he was unsure.

It was such a great feeling pulling up, that feeling that a horse has genuinely tried there best for you, after all that’s all we want isn’t it? For our horses to try there best for us?
I really am not sure if Jimmy’s mind set has truly changed but I’m ever the optimist and love a dream so here’s to kicking on to Bramham and hopefully Burghley..

So on to what else I have planned – pointing..

Yep that’s right – I must be mad but I miss training pointer to pointers and have decided to get two horses to train and run this coming season.. I mean I still have a certain Foxhunters at Aintree to jump round!! So anyone with any nice racehorses looking for a new home or change of scenery get in touch..

Part of the reason for me getting the pointers is because I still want to live the dream and still chase the dragon.. I’m not ready to grow up and do what all my friends have done – get real jobs, get married and have kids..
One of my friends and the last of my not growing up friends has just got a proper job aboard..

It hit me so hard if I’m honest, I felt a bit lost.. I mean I’m the last one still playing at life or as my friend put it – the captain always goes down with his ship.

But you know what my ship is pretty fun one to be on even if I’m on it alone most of the time.

It doesn’t stop me feeling I’ve underachieved in my life thou, I have had so many chances to do amazing things and for one reason or another I haven’t always taken those chances but I’m still here, I’m still happy and I’m still chasing the dragon and looking for the next kick.
That’s what life is all about thou isn’t it?

So I’m sitting here thinking about the wonderful weekend I have planned in Aberdeen and how I think the time may just have come to have another pop at eventing properly again.. Maybe set up a yard again… But SHHHHH thou that’s top secret…
But more than anything I’m going to make good on some of those opportunities and friendships I have let pass me by.
In life I have learnt it is never to late to say sorry, sort what you should have sorted and make good on what you should have made good on before..

If you try and can’t then it never was truly ment to be sorted or to be made good.

If you want to try at or to do something – do.. It’s your ship and no one else’s..

So it’s onwards and upwards for now but just remember that you are the captain of your ship and you should go down with it as there’s no fun in being the one that bailed..

P Xx

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